What
a Tart

500g Plain Flour
500g Very Cold Butter (Diced)
2 Tsp Salt
250g Ice Cold Water

or

Just go out & buy some ready made ready rolled Puff Pastry Easy and Simple! 

Clingfilm

• Place the Flour, Butter and Salt into a Stand Mixer and work with a Paddle Attachment on a medium speed.

• When the Flour resembles grainy breadcrumbs start adding the Water a little at a time without overworking the dough.

• Mix until everything is incorporated. Remove, roll into a ball, wrap in Clingfilm and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

• Flour a work surface and roll the Pastry out to a rough rectangle about 50 x 30 cm. Fold the Pastry overlapping it into three. Turn the block a quarter and repeat the same process. Wrap in Clingfilm and chill for a further 30 minutes.

• Repeat the previous manoeuvres by rolling out and folding another two times and then refrigerate. The Pastry is now ready to use.

• To do a full classic puff pastry please assess the time you have ;) We’ll write a recipe another day, for now, have a google!

300g Double cream
300g Jersey Milk
3 Vanilla Pods
80g Maple Syrup 
5 Egg Yolk
125g Caster Sugar

• Cut the Vanilla Pods open lengthways and scrap out the seeds into a pot reserve two fo the empty pods for later put one of the pods into the pot.

• Place the Cream, Milk and Maple Syrup in a heavy based pot and place on a low heat and gently warm.

• Whisk the Eggs & Sugar together until pale and thick.

• Pour some of the Cream mix onto the Eggs and whisk to incorporate. Pop it back into the pot and whisk together.

• Cook out the ice cream until its thick and coats the back of a spoon. Cool the mixture then pour into the ISI Gun and charge twice, shaking vigorously between charges. Leave in the fridge for 3 hours.

• Empty the contents into two tubs and freeze for 24 hours.

2 Empty vanilla pods
150g Caster Sugar

• Set your dehydrater to 0% Humidity 58oC Just shitting you. Put the oven on to its lowest setting about 60/70ºc will be grand.

• Dry out the Vanilla Pods until they are crisp.

• Place into a Blender with the Sugar and blend until fully broken down. Store in an airtight container.

200g Sugar
50g Apple Cider
2 Granny Smith Apples
2 Braeburn Apples
Puff Pastry 
30g Melted Butter

• Place the Cider & Sugar in a heavy based pot and pop on a high heat. When the colour starts to change to a deep golden, take it off the heat and pour the caramel into a Cake Tin. Let it cool for use later.

• Peel and very finely slice the Apples (removing the seeds) keep the different Apples separate.

• Working alternatively layer up the Apples onto the caramel base in circles going from Granny Smith to Braeburn and repeat until used up.

• Brush the Melted Butter over the Apples and the sides of the tray.

• Roll out the Pastry to 3cm larger than the Cake Tin and about the thickness fo a £1 coin. Cover the Apple with the Pastry and push into the sides around the Apple.

• Pre-heat the oven to 200ºc.

• Bake the tart for 20-25 minutes. Keep an eye on the colour of the pastry and remove when golden brown.

• Let it stand for 5 minutes before turning out.

• Place a small plate on top of the dish and turn over, removing the Cake Tin.

• Jobs a good un’, or have you just burned your hands, arms, dog and face and there is now your apple tart all over the floor? If everything is fucked, go get a glass of vodka and hang your head in shame.